Kyle, The first wound in a relationship usually involves finances. This is where fear, anxiety; anger, and depression can begin to plague two people in a committed partnership. The myth that two people can live as cheaply as one persists. That almost never happens. Whatever you do, don’t wait until after you are married to begin talking honestly about money. Money can be a source of destruction or a source of creativity in a marriage. ‘When, not if, money gets tight, think of it as an opportunity to see what you are made of individually and as a couple.
Don’t let gloom and doom hook you. This may be an obstacle, but a great opportunity unfolds when you remember you have a partner to share in your financial journey. You have someone to grow with, learn with, and help shoulder financial challenges in your life. Think of your financial needs as an experiment. Or think of your money dilemma as a class you’re taking called Money 101, and you are going to learn, as a couple, how you got here, what went wrong, and how to avoid this in the future.
I always suggest that each person in a relationship have some private money. Money is a source of power, and when one partner stays home or is not the primary wage earner, that person’s self-esteem can suffer if he or she has no personal money or control over joint funds. If money becomes a problem when you are arguing, please seek help immediately. There are counselors who are fabulous and can help you create a healthier partnership, especially around the issues of mo