Jealousy: The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy the Green Eyed Monster, The Way I See It

“Shakespeare described jealousy as “the Green-Eyed Monster.” Jealousy is thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and envy over relative lack of possessions, status or something of great personal value. There are different types of jealousy and the symptoms of it can be emotional, physical, and relational so please be aware of the consequences of unchecked jealously.

Evolutionary Roots of Jealousy

Jealousy is encoded in our DNA. In the past, women were jealous of men because they needed protection, food, and care of their children. Another woman could risk the security of these elements essential for survival. Also in the past, men were jealous because women got pregnant but there was no way to tell who was the father. For example, if other men were around your woman, the paternity could be questionable.

Different Types of Jealousy:

  • Romantic jealousy. Most common
  • Work jealousy. Missed promotions, better offices. For example, someone else makes more money.
  • Power jealousy. A person you perceive that as having more power and authority than you. For example, someone with high self-esteem can make you jealous.
  • Economic jealousy. Another person having more money, marries someone wealthy or buys a new home.
  • Status jealousy. When someone becomes well known, best-selling author or a celebrity.
  • Friend jealousy. A friend getting a new friend and drifting away from you. For example, an old friend starts to fade away and you see them with new friend or friends.
  • Family jealousy. You feeling like a sibling is more loved than you are by your parents. Or they are smarter or make better grades.

What Are the Consequence of Unchecked Jealousy

You can lose what you value most in life. Also, you can lose your peace of mind and your mental and physical health. You can lose your partner, friends, family, job and health. You then live with no personal power, low self-esteem, distracted, angry, frustrated, angry, sad, and feeling worthless. Jealousy is a normal human emotion but can also be like a cancer.

What are the danger signals of unhealthy jealousy? What are the symptoms of jealousy?

Emotional/Psychological-Physical-Relational Symptoms:

Emotional Symptoms

  • Fear, anger, insecurity, instability, anxiety, irritation, hypervigilance, depression, paranoia.
  • Overreactions
  • Anxiety or nervousness
  • Depression or moodiness
  • Irritability
  • Phobias
  • Anger, tantrums

Physical Symptoms

Research shows emotional pain is experienced much the same way as physical pain. You can produce stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, causing the body to be in a chronic hyper-alert state. This can result in physical symptoms such as headaches, no appetite, or stomach or gastrointestinal problems.  Your nervous system struggles the stress of jealousy, increasing your heart rate and raising your blood pressure.

Relational Symptoms

  • You can become isolated because others do not want to be around you. You become short-tempered, irritated.
  • Increase in arguments
  • Overreactions
  • Withdrawal from family, friends
  • Anger and tantrums
  • Quite and non-responsiveness

What are Some Ways We Can Manage Jealousy?

  • Awareness.  Practice A-C-E. Honesty is key.
  • Awareness of jealous feelings. Become aware of what happens with your symptoms (emotional, physical, or relational).
  • Educate yourself on jealousy. Read books, articles and seek information to understand the complex nature of jealousy.

Practice S.E.L.F. Care for Stress and Mindfulness

S = Serenity

  • Breath. Breathing brings you home to yourself and as a result, connects your mind and body immediately. It centers you immediately and clears the mind.
  • Meditation. calms the mind and body.
  • Positive affirmations. Are you thinking and saying negative, toxic, energy sucking, jealous thoughts? Within seconds of changing your thoughts, you reduce the level of cortisol, the stress hormone.
  • Journal. Write down what you are jealous about. Keep a journal to track your healthy journey back home to your self.

E = Exercise

Walk, do yoga or exercise to get rid of stress and anxiety.

L = Love

Learn to love your self. Acceptance of yourself and others will free you. Work on increasing your self-esteem.

  • Self Esteem is self-love. Learn new ways to love your SELF. Start looking inside your own self/ your own heart/ instead of desiring others lives and possessions.
  • Buddy system. Keep friends and family in your circle to support your growth. There is no shame. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. Talk to others about your fears. You will feel free and unburdened.
  • Therapist/counselor. If you can’t move on, get some professional help.

F = Food

Eat healthy foods that calm your mind, body, and soul. Eat foods rich in B6 that help the body produce serotonin. Become aware of the amount of caffeine, alcohol, and sugar you ingest.